Tuesday night.

I should be working on my black and white pieces, or studying for my fashion history exam (ha), but I'm going to just take a moment.

My sister's birthday is tomorrow. I'm not going to be able to see her, but hopefully we'll be able to make a day trip to go to Salem next weekend. My mum wants me to come home this weekend for cake and presents. I told her I can't - I have too much homework.

My boyfriend wants to come up this weekend, hobbling with his cane on the T. I told him I really want to see him - I'm terrified that he'll trip and fall on the train, but he's willing to risk it, and I miss him unbearably, so I won't argue. I'm going to have to kick him out after a day or so, though, because I know I'll need to go to my studio to do work. *sigh*

I want to get all my work done on time, the best it can be done, better than anybody else's and still actually like doing it. I feel like I made an asshole out of myself in my Illustration 4 class today because I didn't have my work done. The first assignment of the year, and I didn't finish it. I can't even believe myself. I'm usually the person who has it done within a couple days of the assignment; I don't usually trail behind. But I'll catch up, and maybe get ahead of the game. Let's hope, and pray. And stuff.

So this week, starting tonight, Tuesday night:
Tuesday:
-finish black and white editorial piece
-make final sketches of new black and white assignment
-study for fashion history exam
-cut out magazine examples of Egyptian/Mesopotamian inspired fashion from magazines (?)
Wednesday:
-fashion history (9:30 - 1:30)
-fashion history exam
-SGA (1:30 - 3)
-black and white illustration (3 - 7)
-work on homework, any homework (until they kick me out of the studios)
Thursday:
-poetry reading homework
-work on other homework
-poetry class (1:30 - 4:30)
-walk for cancer in Boston Commons at 5
-meet with my mum so I can pay my rent (fucking student refund checks won't be out until October 24th - not like I need books or supplies or rent money or anything)
-pay my rent
-homework?
Friday:
-work (9 - 5)
-homework at the studios all day
-degree project interview
-have a drink to stay sane
Saturday:
-Jerry comes up!
-have a wonderful dinner
-spend time with my wounded potato
-beat Final Fantasy X
Sunday:
-force Jerry to leave :/
-spend the day in the studio until they kick me out
Monday:
-homework in the studios
-degree project (2 - 6)
-homework homework homework
Tuesday:
-homework
-illustration 4 (2 - 6)
-work (6:30 - 10)


I got off easy with work this week - we hired a bazillion new kids (which I'll have to train), so it gives me a little more time to work on my stuff.

ALSO.
*DRUM ROOLLLLLLL*
I'm pretty sure I made the cover of the dig! With my autumn picture! If they don't run it this week, they might run it next week. I'm not sure. All I know is I talked to Tak and he asked me to send him a headshot and a little bio about myself and a high res file of my autumn picture so he could send it to "the layout people." So yay! I don't know if there's pay or what, but, of all the art I've had printed without any pay, this has got to be the best! I'm so excited! So look out for it!!!

And just so this isn't text-only,

It's a binturong!!! :D

So yeah.

School is already making me crazy.
I feel like I have ZERO free time. As in, every day I wake up early and either go to class, go to work, or go to the studio, only to return home around 11 or midnight each night from either being at work or at the studio. Every freaking day. It's EXHAUSTING.


Though I did finish my clown doll prototype of Koko the clown. I was going to do my entire Degree Project in 3D, but upon seeing how much of a pain in the ass just one doll was, I'm probably going to stick with 2D. I think it's more consistent with my style, anyways. I'd rather make something for my portfolio that's refined and shows off my skills instead of something that's poorly constructed that I had to learn to make.

Either way, yeah, school's driving me pretty much insane. I didn't get to visit my boyfriend this weekend (for those who don't know, he broke his femur a couple of weeks ago, and he's stuck at home), so I was really sad. I mean, it was payday, so I COULD have gone to see him, but I didn't have any time between making that doll and going to work and doing other homework/homework prep and going to a sudden meeting with my surgeon on Friday. Speaking of: I'm getting surgery in the next month to get my cyst on my hand removed! Yay! I'll never have pain in my wrist or have to wear a stupid arm brace again!!! I'm so excited!!

I'm very tired - and I have to get up early to do some work (and hopefully laundry?), so goodnight.

Oh, goodness.

It's funny now, being a senior in college.
I remember being a senior in high school like it was a week ago, thinking I was a hot shit for being 16 and knowing what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and for getting the fuck out of Rockland, MA. And now I'm 20, and I'm a senior somewhere else, where I'm not hot shit whatsoever. I'm as scared and confused as everyone else about what I'm supposed to do when I graduate. I only know that I still know what I want to do for the rest of my life, just not how to live comfortably doing that.

Well.. scratch that. Because I technically could move up to Bar Harbor, ME or go over to P-Town and paint nautical landscapes and pictures of wildlife and boats and sell it for hundreds of dollars apiece.

And I could move to Florida and work for Disney, working on storyboards or sitting in front of a screen rendering animation frames for all eternity. And I could do it really, really well.

But I want more for me. I want my name to mean something to people when they hear it. I want to make people laugh and enjoy color and appreciate and see things the way I see them. I want to make the people around me happy with my art the way it makes me happy. I want to be recognized for making art that I love to do. I mean, I don't hate freelance work - it's nice to have the direction and variety in my work - but I want something more.

I don't know.
I want to be doing what all of my favorite artists are doing. I want to be doing collaborations with people I think are interesting. I want to be staying up in someone's studio all night just thinking and drawing and sharing supplies and watching old movies and laughing. I smile really wide when I'm making a piece of art that I like - I can't wipe it off my face. I want to be doing that all the time.

But I'm assuming I'm not alone in my vision. I'm pretty sure that every other kid who applied to my school, or any other art school in the world, thought they would just be so good that people of all manner of life would come just to marvel at it.

But I've wanted this since 3rd grade. People tell me I'm the one who's "going to make it." I've finally revived that passion I had for art as a kid, and I'm going to make it the way I want to make it.

One day, people will know the name "Bamcat" and say, "Oh yeah, I knew her way back when..."

Hmm.

I bought a small, 4" x 6" sketchbook from Blick today. With my discount, it was about $3.50.

What is insteresting in this, is that I haven't used a hardbound sketchbook with a spine since I was about 13. I've always had spiral-bound sketchbooks, in every shape and size I can find. I can't stand not being able to work a certain size/shape without a specific boundary to work by, and for some reason, measuring out my own boundaries just doesn't do it for me. I'm a very "one sketch per page" kinda person, and have spiral bound rings lets me flatten the whole book out to only look at one page. Now I'm back to looking at one page and the back of another page.

It doesn't sound that important - but, believe me - it is. It's almost terrifying.

Wierd.

Anyways, wish me luck in my new baby sketchbook. I bought some Black Magic ink and some new nibs and I'm hopefully gonna try it out on the train tomorrow (to see my poor boyfriend with a broken hip). Bye!


PS: It's very cold out now, all of a sudden. My Californian blood still can't handle less than 70 degrees.

I don't know about you..

..but every morning I blast "Touch Me" by The Doors to pump myself up for the day.

I remember when Kevin Burney woke up to "The Final Countdown" every day for a month (or more, can't remember). He just played it on repeat every day.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MATTERS IS IF IT PUMPS YOU UP!!

Herro!

I now have a glob.
I hate the word "blog," so this will henceforth be referred to as my "glob." At least then it sounds like a disease or a deformity or something strange instead of sounding like a booger.

Anyways!
First posts mean a lot of catching up to do!

I'll start with saying I'm an Illustration senior this year, which is truly terrifying. I have to be a BIG PEOPLE next year, so I'm working my ass off networking and creating art every free second I have to try to build up my portfolio. I'm trying to learn everyones' names, along with trying to build relationships with other artists and get as much feedback on my art as possible.
I've decided that I want to fill my portfolio with images that truly make me happy and truly showcase my talent. I have a background in photorealism that has since turned into severe cartooning and stylizing in my work. I've worked a long time working from observation, and now I'm learning to draw from my head. (It's a balance, though - both are so important.)

I finally feel really excited about my work. I'll ditch hanging out in the afternoon if I have a great idea for a painting, and I'll work on little odd pieces as breaks between bigger assignments as a way to keep creating - keep my hands busy. All of my teachers this semester are really pushing me forward, I think. I have a couple of younger teachers (shout out to Roosh and Fish) who are focused on making sure myself and my classmates have knowledge about the business of illustration as well as the capacity to create works that are coherent, can follow a theme and are examples of jobs we'd get in the "real world."
I've been doing freelance work since I was 13 - I didn't have the sense to start making contracts until this year (live and learn). But I've been meeting people and getting opportunities to meet other people the past few months, and hopefully I'll start getting my work published soon. That would be pissa!


Anyways, I've gone on far too long. Welcome to my glob. Enjoy my first finished piece of the month!
Love, Bamcat.